Saturday, September 25, 2010

I have to admit it's getting better...

I have The Beatles' Getting Better stuck in my head. I am feeling a lot better today than I have all week.

After my little post-break-up dream mess, I went to the gym. I had an amazing run and it got my mind off of everything. Then Ash and I went to Folly Beach. It was so relaxing. We ended up spending four hours there just listening to music. 

Then last night, Ash and I went out with my friend Chelsea and her roommate, Marian. Chelsea and I were in the same sorority, before I dropped, but never became friends friends until we worked together. Being from the North, I am always amazed at how different girls in the South are. I don't mean that in a bad way, we're just different breeds of womanhood haha. Chelsea is the epitome of a Southern Belle. She's really blond and beautiful, very "y'all" every other word, and a constant wearer of pearls and Jack Rogers. l I love her! We ended up going to this bar called Midtown. It was a really nice bar with no cover and a band playing nineties music. We had a really good time although the alcohol didn't sit too well with me at the end of the night. I only had three drinks! I think I didn't eat enough though and in general am a lightweight. Here's a picture of me and Ashlynn:

I spent most of the morning sleeping off the hangover, never fun, and then I woke up feeling a world of difference. Tonight Ashlynn and I are trying out Poe's Tavern on Sullivan's Island. I will definitely take lots of pictures and share.  Afterwards we're seeing Easy A. Its received decent reviews and I am a huge Emma Stone fan so it should be good. 

I also wanted to share a recipe with you all. Some of my favorite blogs are food blogs. My dad was a chef and he shared his love for food with me at a very early age. Although I've always liked to cook, it was college that gave me the opportunity to truly experiment with food. I got this Beef, Mushroom, and Onion Tart recipe from Better Homes and Gardens. It looks weird and sounds weird (Ashlynn made fun of me everytime I mentioned it) but it's absolutely delicious. I also apologize in advance for the photos because I'm not a great photographer nor do I have a great camera. 

Better Homes and Garden Beef, Mushroom, and Onion Tart

  • 12-oz lean ground beef, 
  • 1 8-0z baby portobellas
  •  ½ medium red onions, cut into thin wedges
  •  ¼ tsp salt and ¼ tsp pepper
  •  1 13.8-oz package of refridgerated pizza dough
  •  3 oz crumbled blue cheese
  • pizza seasoning and oregano.


  • Heat oven to 425 degrees. In a 12-inch skillet, cook beef; mushrooms; and ovens over medium heat about 8 minutes. Stir in salt and pepper. 
  • Meanwhile grease a large baking sheet or line with parchment. Unroll dough on backing sheet. Roll or pat dough to a 15X12 inch rectangle.
  •  Top beef mixture onto dough. Fold edges over filling, pleating as needed. 
  • Bake 15 minutes and top with blue chese, oregano, and pizza seasoning.

Estimated Nutrition: 525 calories. 23g fat, 74mg cholestral, 1,041 mg sodium, 49g carbs 2g fiber, 31 g protein.
I really liked this even though it was messy. I would love to try making it again with strips of flank steak instead of ground beef and make my tart a bit thinner. 

On that delicious note, I hope you all have a wonderful rest of the week.


Friday, September 24, 2010


I am so, so, so HAPPY it's Friday. I don't have any major plans for the weekend but just knowing this week, not the best one, is over is a great feeling.

Does anyone know what I mean when I say "post-break-up dream?" Post-break-up dreams are the worst type of nightmares. They paint you a picture of your relationship a. being repaired, break-up off! and b. what is used to be look before it became a broken relationship. Their worst side effects include waking up to believe you actually haven't broken up, wishing you hadn't broken up, and desiring to e-mail your former lover and see if they too are experiencing similar dreams and maybe it's a sign from a higher being sealing your fate as destined lovers.  I had a horrible post-break-up dream last night. It involved my ex flying from his homeland of England to tell me how much he missed me and then us getting back together and having the relationship we had before it all changed. I woke up with the urge to e-mail him and say "I'm sorry I broke up with you. It wasn't that I didn't love you, it was that you weren't putting any effort." Instead I went on Facebook.

Lately I haven't been very happy at Facebook. It makes me go on all these people's profile pages and think worthless thoughts that ultimately make me feel bad. I decided, post-break-up, not to go on for a while. I was struggling in not checking my former lover's page to see how he was handling my break up (he seemed to be taking it more than fine). So after two weeks and post-break-up dream, I went on.

It broke my heart. As silly as that sounds when talking in reference to Facebook. My profile page looked exactly as I left it. No new wall posts. No new messages. No new friend requests. Nada. zip. Nothing. Then I went on my ex's wall and again he seems to have put me faraway in his past. Cass who? His profile picture features him in a fur jacket with a bottle of liquor in one hand and his arms outstretched to the sky. It's a bizarre photo like is he trying to look like a ghetto pimp? Anyway criticism aside, the whole experience made me feel awful and it got me thinking about what value Facebook adds to my life.

I don't have a conclusion on its value yet but it's given me something to think about. It also has made me realize that this break-up is going to take a little longer than I thought.

On that note, I wish all of you a wonderful Friday!


PS: Thanks Kelly from Fitting Back In for all your blogging help and for commenting :) :)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010


My last post reeked of contentment and unfortunately I believe I jinxed myself. Last night and today have been horrible. Nothing dramatic has happened that turned my life upside down just little snippets of crap (for example, I fell down the stairs in front of a lot of people a.k.a two handsome boys plus others) that have caused me to open a bottle of wine early this afternoon.

For reasons aside from the wine, I am feeling  a lot better. Those reasons include:

1. my adorable cat, who let me hug her for more than ten minutes when I got home from an hour of extreme hell.
2. my roommate- Ashlynn. You will get to meet her later as we have discussed her guest blogging. She surprised me with a special edition copy of one of my favorite movies of all time.... Empire Records just because.
3. Top Chef reruns

I am sure my luck will turn and tomorrow will be a good day.

Hope you all had better days than mine and if not, are comforted in knowing you aren't alone!


Monday, September 20, 2010

A Successful it possible?

Hello to all of you all out there.

My title suggests sarcasm like a successful Monday is an impossible feat but I'm living proof of the possibility. I had a splendid morning from the moment I got up to right now.

5:30 a.m. - I wake up for my gym alarm not groggily but happily. My cat, see above photo, immediately greets me and begins licking my face (She's a crazy combination of cat, dog, and spider monkey). I get to the gym, have an intense but energizing workout.

9:00 a.m.- I get in five minutes ahead of time to my internship at a local business newspaper. I do well on my Associated Press style quiz, am offered the opportunity to finally start editing actual articles, and I am already started on my next assignment.

2:00- I usually hate my contemporary American poetry class. I like the poetry and I can respect the teacher but it's a total snooze fest. If I am not doodling my name in random shapes, I am counting sheep. Today was a successful day. My notebook only contains notes on Phillip Levine, Anne Sexton, and Adrienne Rich and I actually enjoyed class!

3:30- I got an early start on an upcoming paper and the words are flowing smoother than water.

5:00- My 2 hr and 45 minute writing for mass media class went by fast!

8:00- With a delicious bowl of spaghetti with parmesan cheese, I watched an addictive episode of 90210. I am sad to admit that my guilty pleasure is teen soaps. I am even sadder to admit I own the complete series of Dawson's Creek and The O.C. I am even sadder to admit that I reference The O.C. once a day and still continue to compare every guy to Seth Cohen.

Now I am writing on here, listening to some O.A.R. That my friends, is a successful Monday.

I hope your Mondays were successful too :)

Sweet dreams!


Sunday, September 19, 2010

My apologies

I am sorry I took a break from blogging. Yes, it was a short break. Yes, I don't think there's people who actually noticed being that I'm still a noob. But this apology if anything goes out to me.

I have been feeling all kinds of weird these past few days. Nothing I can truly explain but I actually thought about forgetting about blogging. I don't know why I thought that yet now as I am writing again, I realize how much it means to me to write. How therapeutic it is. How much it helps me make order of my chaos.

Too often, I let emotions get the best out of me and take over. Take over to the point where it prevents me from doing things that make me happy. I forget how important it is to take care of myself, my happiness. It's okay to feel sad sometime. It's not okay to let that sadness prevent you from being present. So, I am sorry to any readers who missed my ramblings. However, more importantly, I am sorry to me.

This weekend was the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. I am Jewish but consider it more of my culture than my religion. I am one of those people still questioning organized religion and maintain a spiritual relationship with God my own way. One thing I do love about my heritage is its traditions and holidays. I appreciate Yom Kippur because it comes just after the Jewish new year. The idea is that it's a fresh start. We all know how even though it is a fresh start, it can be hard to forget about the past and we may more often than not feel regretful. Yom Kippur is the day of atonement. It's the day that God forgives you and asks you to throw away this past that is making you feel all sorts of bad and move forward into the now. I love the idea of that as I am one who lets her past haunt her. I spent all yesterday fasting, a typical Jewish tradition on this holiday, and I am feeling like my fresh start can begin.

Fresh start to me doesn't mean finally tacking those last 5 pounds or take up piano lessons. For me, my fresh start is continuing to love myself, moving on once and for all from my ex-boyfriend, and recognizing the abundance of good the world has to offer me each day. Okay, I sound a little, maybe a lot, cheesy but I don't care! After all, the best things (Michael Scott from the Office, Cheetos Cheese Puffs, and 80s music) in the world are cheesy.


Tuesday, September 14, 2010

To say something or not to say something

I hope everyone had a terrific Tuesday.

I am in a bit of conundrum. My creative non-fiction professor, who is very prominent at my college being that one of his books was chosen for Oprah's book club and he got to go on her show, had us move our class outside. I'm all about being outdoors and discussing the meaning of words (it's quite Dead Poets Society actually). What I don't like is that our classroom session has become a chance for all the smokers in my class, there are a lot of them too, to smoke their cigarettes.

I hate cigarettes. Neither of my parents ever smoked so I'm not familiar with the nauseating smell. I also simply don't get it. Kids my age know it's bad for them. They went through D.A.R.E yet they still choose to poison themselves. It's sad considering how many people get sick with diseases they couldn't prevent. 

So we're sitting in a small circle and everyone around me, including the Professor who favors cigars, is lighting up. It's not just one cigarette either. I don't think it's fair that I'm forced to pollute my lungs, which are asthmatic (not to go all superdork), because I have class. Class shouldn't be for inhaling secondhand smoke and come on, people, can't you wait until after class for your nicotine fix? 

Maybe I'm being particular. Maybe. Still bothers me though. I can feel my face getting heated just as I'm typing this haha. 

Heading to bed to cool down. 

Sleep well all of you all out there ;)


Monday, September 13, 2010

Just another manic monday

My mondays are horrible. I know everyone feels that way coming back after a mere two days of some sort of relaxation. My mondays though are just insanely busy. I woke up at 5:30 a.m. to go to the gym, then I went to my editing internship at a regional journal, then I had 3 classes front to back and finally got home at 8 p.m. I'm exhausted and barely able to keep my eyes open. I can't wait to greet my pillow in just a few short moments.

But before I go, I want to share something with you. My contemporary American poetry class is currently studying Gwendolyn Brooks and today we read this poem:

when you have forgotten Sunday: the love story

—And when you have forgotten the bright bedclothes on a Wednesday and a Saturday,
And most especially when you have forgotten Sunday—
When you have forgotten Sunday halves in bed,
Or me sitting on the front-room radiator in the limping afternoon
Looking off down the long street
To nowhere,
Hugged by my plain old wrapper of no-expectation
And nothing-I-have-to-do and I’m-happy-why?
And if-Monday-never-had-to-come—
When you have forgotten that, I say,
And how you swore, if somebody beeped the bell,
And how my heart played hopscotch if the telephone rang;
And how we finally went in to Sunday dinner,
That is to say, went across the front room floor to the ink-spotted table in the southwest corner
To Sunday dinner, which was always chicken and noodles
Or chicken and rice
And salad and rye bread and tea
And chocolate chip cookies—
I say, when you have forgotten that,
When you have forgotten my little presentiment
That the war would be over before they got to you;
And how we finally undressed and whipped out the light and flowed into bed,
And lay loose-limbed for a moment in the week-end
Bright bedclothes,
Then gently folded into each other—
When you have, I say, forgotten all that,
Then you may tell,
Then I may believe
You have forgotten me well.

When I read this poem, I immediately thought of my recently failed relationship. I imagined the times we spent together and how my former lover is forgetting about all our memories and then in turn me. It was a scary thought. My professor called on me to share my interpretation and I told her that I thought the speaker and the man have just ended the relationship. The professor asked if I thought they had a good relationship. I said no. I read the lines about finally going to Sunday night dinner as the boy finally compromising to do things that the girl wanted him to do.My friend Clifton cleverly pointed out "Well isn't that you just asserting your ideas about what is a good relationship on the poem?" He was right. I totally added my own experience into the lovely Gwendolyn Brooks' poem. It did make me think though about the ending of my relationship. 

I wasn't happy in my relationship as much as I wanted to pretend I was. There were things that were important to me that I chose to neglect because they weren't important to my partner. Neglecting them was neglecting myself. As hard as it's been for me to move on and be okay with the idea that he's moving on from me, I know deep within me that I made the right decision. 

Goodnight all of you. Sleep well, rest assured...Monday is finally finito.


Sunday, September 12, 2010

Could it be true? Am I getting older?

Happy Sunday all of you all!

OK, I know I am getting older. But I think I'm reaching the point where "In my day" or "Do you remember when it used to be..." is becoming a part of my everyday vocabulary. 

I am currently watching the Mtv VMA pre-show and I've had some revelations. 

1. I never watch Mtv anymore. Ever.
2. I don't recognize anyone on the VMAs "white carpet." 
3. The show keeps talking about tweeting and I'm wishing life was more simple.
4. I don't plan on watching the whole thing and don't care about stalking TV Guide trying to find out when I can watch the rerun. 

What is happening?! I'm not sure I'm feeling badly about getting older but it does feel weird. 

Does anyone else have some moments when they've realized how much time has passed them by?


Saturday, September 11, 2010

Taking away my blog's v-card

For years I have read other people's blogs in envy. Aside from wishing I had the technological knowledge to craft a blog, I wished I had the courage to share my innermost thoughts with complete strangers. This past year, my 21st one on planet Earth, has been completely life changing.

I rang in my 21st birthday with an apartment fire, cost me about 90 percent of my things, and a fallout with my best friend who I had been friends with since kindergarten. A month later my Grandpa Leo died, the first death I've ever experienced. With all these events crushing upon me at once, I became depressed. I have spent the past year working through my issues and I have come a very long way. Yay for me :)

This summer I worked at a sleep away camp in Connecticut. I met a boy and thought I had fallen in love. I was experiencing butterflies the size of mountains and even told my mom "I think he is the one." The details of the beginning of the end aren't important but I ultimately had to end the relationship to honor myself. It hasn't been easy working through this breakup.

I have a playlist titled appropriately "Sad Music" featuring the following:

1. Rachel Yamagata: The Reason Why- If you haven't discovered Rachel's music, you are missing out. Her lyrics, her soulful voice, her attitude---all of it is fresh and amazing. This song's lyrics fit my breakup perfectly.
2. Annie Lennox: No More I Love You's- Classic breakup song. Does anyone else think the song gets weird at the end when there are high-pitched voices in the background giggling?
3. Roxette: It Must Have Been Love- "It must have been good but I lost it somehow..." It always feels for me that a relationship is perfect than somehow the perfectness suddenly disappears.
4. Coldplay: Fix You- The lyrics of this song invite you to cry your heart out and not feel one ounce of guilt in doing so.
5. Unknown: Somewhere Out There- If you have ever seen An American Tale, you'll know what song I am talking about. When I was younger, An American Tale was one of my favorite movies. This song cheers me up and makes me think that someone who is perfect for me is out there.
6. Jewel: Foolish Games- This song describes my ex and our relationship impeccably. He was always playing foolish games with me and I'm sorry but whoever said "Don't hate the player, hate the game" must have been on some heavy narcotics.

It's a short playlist but I recommend it if you want some background music at your personal pity party.

Like I was saying pre-playlist, this breakup has been hard. I have even had to write encouraging quotations in pretty colors on post-its and hang it up on my mirror. I have also bought the rebound package at Pink Kisses. The package came with this virtual game where you upload a picture of your ex and then they light a match to the picture. It made me laugh and smile.

Despite how hard this breakup has been, I know it's for the best. If I learned anything over this rocky year it is that I am responsible for my own happiness. I won't find happiness with any member of the opposite sex until I find happiness on my own. I lost sight of that in this relationship as I sacrificed parts of myself to make him happy. As much as I cared about him, I had to end it. Want to know why? Because I deserve to have someone love me as much as I love myself and loving myself means honoring what's important to me in a relationship. I am in charge of my happiness.

My name is Cass. I am being gutsy and sharing my life with you. Please be kind and please share your lives with me.